New week... New energy?

So much for my perfect streak of daily posts. *eye roll* Last week was tough. R brought the stomach flu to our house, as you all know from FB and other places already. Wow, I really went all the way TMI with that one. I’ll bet some people got so sick of me, that they hid me from their news feed… Sorry! We’re all alright now, even Kas is looking pretty good. *big grin* Oh, how I hate it when the kids are sick…

This week kicked off with brand new energy. First time in ages I got up at 7.30 because I didn’t want to sleep any more. What the f is that, you ask? And I answer: freakiness squares ten. I had the wackiest dream in a while; a nightmare about my own life. In it I was asleep first dreaming about doing something naughty with someone else. Then I woke up (in the dream) and went to shower. When I got out of the shower there were people I didn’t know walking in our house like it was an open house show. I learned then and there that hubby was selling the house, taking the kids and kicking me out because he was sick of me. It made me so anxious; I woke up for real and couldn’t fall back asleep for a while because I felt like I was suffocating. Interpret that!

I did fall asleep again eventually and woke up strangely alert and actually sighing of relief that is was morning already. I had some more bad dreams but can’t remember them. I’ve been energetic ever since, but I do think it might be bad energy. I’m not smiling… I hate it when I can’t smile. It makes me look and feel so old and ugly. I think I may be taking my anxieties into cleaning today. And work out if I’ve got time and strength. Since it looks like Kas isn’t getting sick again. Yay, something to smile about!

My bad dream might not need so much interpreting. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about our relationship lately and when I wrote that out little cold war was over, it was actually just one battle. When the kids and I got sick, he claimed I was faking so I didn’t need to clean. Always criticizing everything I do… He just doesn’t get me, ever. Makes me feel like shit and all other lovely things that I don’t want to write in such public place. Lets just say I’m very jealous of my single friends. Sometimes I think that if we were financially on the same level with hubby, we’d do fine. Sometimes I think that situation might force us to realization if we really are meant to be. I hate these bad times of ours. That’s when I always fantasize about having a much nicer house or apartment for just me and the kids and I get the thoughts again that I may be meant to be a single mother. That’s when I was on my best as being a mother…

Ough, there’s proper Monday angst for ya! Damn… Sorry to pull you down with me…